|
It started out innocently enough.
I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably,
though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a
social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself --
but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to
me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't
mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime
so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied
and confused, asking, "What is it exactly are we doing here?"
Things weren't going so great at home either. One evening I had turned
off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that
night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me
in. He said, "Joe, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your
thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the
job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think
about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I
confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking, "She said, "and I want a divorce!" "But
Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," She said, lower
lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college
professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't
have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry.
I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out
the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche, with
NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big
glass doors... they didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I
believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. As I sank
to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for
Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining
your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's
Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering
thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
non-educational video; last week it was Porky's.† Then we share
experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I
still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed
... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
Soon, I will be able to vote Republican.
<<Back Number | Top |
Recent Issue>>
|
